The Shift into Adolescence

I haven't written much about our teen just yet, always aware that he is the only one of "the three" who would actually be checking the blog online!  (Skyler, stop now!!!)  No, really, I want to write lots about him, but am aware of the teen sensitivity issues and want to respect that.

Our eldest is a good kid.  No, he is a great kid.  He always is fun and interesting and amusing.  He has gone through many different phases, but I have to say this teen period has presented the biggest changes we have yet seen, some physically of course, but in terms of character and what he chooses to present to the world...wow, what a shift.

I guess I first noticed "alterations" about a year and a half ago, when he was still 12, with an increased interest in clothes.  A little bit of interest in hair, but not overly consumed.  He hit Grade 8 and oh my, all of that intensified within the first couple of months.   The hair Mom, don't touch the hair.  The clothes.  Gradually name brands became very important.  Then we went to China, and his shoe collection increased substantially. (A small selection below).

Of course he's always been a shopper, and China was fabulous for that.  I also remember being at Disney's Magic Kingdom with Skyler when he was 5 years old, and we'd come off of the bigger rides that lead you into a merchandising section before letting you go out into the larger park.  "Oh, Shopping!" he'd exclaim, and off we'd go to peruse and generally buy.  I think he was more excited about the shopping than the ride!

 New changes came as adolescence progressed.  One day he burst into the closed-door bedroom where I was trying to get Evie to sleep, and announced that the shower wasn't working.  Now that particular shower hasn't worked in awhile, so I told him so, glaring at him to get out, and shut the door again, so I could get the baby into slumber.  "But I NEED a shower now!"  All of a sudden, it seemed, ME, I, MY, were all stressed heavily in his daily language.  In his presence one day I wondered aloud "Who are you, and what have you done with Skyler?".

We move into the dead brain cell phase, where homework takes least precedence, social events top priority.  He can remember how many people are going at what times to a certain event, and the time and place of the event, but forgets that he has a Monday morning French test until late Sunday night.  Or that he has to have a project typed and mounted and drags his mother into helping him do it last minute, when she really should be doing other things. 

Not that I want to turn this into a moaning exercise on the disadvantages of adolescence.  That isn't the point.  I do find it fascinating to watch this young person changing in front of my eyes, without my doing a blessed thing to encourage it.  In my view, most elements of his life have remained the same, except that all of his peers are going through the exact same thing; they must all be feeding off of each other to encourage this growth.  His entrance into high school has also been a major factor I admit.

I know from my reading (I recommend "Hold onto your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld; I saw him lecture also) that even though adolescents seem to be pulling away from parents, they still need you as a compass point, so I keep that in mind during our little struggles over showers and clothes.  I am not the perfect mother, and he has the right to question my decisions too, which he does.  In the back of my mind I keep one piece of advice from a friend which said that they need to have something to rebel against so you might as well provide it.  Not sure if this is valid yet or not as we haven't hit huge power struggles....yet.

He is a good kid, talks to us a lot, and has a conscience.  I just hope he doesn't lose too many more brain cells, as my own are depleting also!

Anne.