Attention Walmart Shoppers (long)

I used to hate this place.  I hated that they came into our small town and took away business from downtown.  I managed to avoid going in for the first year or so, then ventured in when I couldn't find an item anywhere else.  I hated the cheap coloured concrete floors, the bad lighting, the total lack of design sense, and the vastness and difficulty in finding items.  I mouthed "I hate this store" upward into every hidden camera I could find, especially when the item I was seeking eluded me.  Inevitably, on every visit, there would be one of those colourful Walmart customers as seen on pictures floating around the internet, usually berating their children loudly and sometimes swearing while they did it.  I hated seeing that, and avoided the store when I could.

Then they added the grocery section....and I found it to be a fairly good grocery section.  Decent cuts of meat at decent prices, nice fresh fruits and veggies, a good rotating variety of same, and a hummus (Sabra) to die for.  Now, I am there maybe not every week, but much more than before.

So the other day, while perusing which delicate flavour of hummus I would take home, I had one of those interested Walmart customers come by me, and then do a double take and make a beeline toward Evie in the cart.  My girl draws some attention here, because she is Chinese and I am not, and she is cute and I am not, but this just got downright creepy.  Because the woman wouldn't leave us alone.

"And where did YOU come from?" she asks Evie, who just stared at her with a toddler's wondering eyes.  Now normally, I am OK with people making polite enquiries about my girl.  Usual comments and questions about her ethnicity, adoption, China in general and so on, are chances for me to educate the general public on the sometimes very misunderstood topic of international adoption.  They don't need to know personal details of Evie's story, as that is hers to tell when she is older and chooses to do so herself, but generalities are easy to discuss.

Her query wasn't what bothered me; it was the slightly hungry look in her eyes.  So I answered politely and moved the cart along as though I was in a hurry (which I probably was).  She moved along in another direction too, but of course I HAD to meet her in another aisle.  This time, a little closer to the baby, more interest, more hunger.  "Maybe", I thought to myself, "if I answer some more of her questions, she'll be satisfied and will leave us alone."  Wrong.  She wouldn't leave, so I had to just start moving the cart along, gently at first, then with a bit more urgency.  She did get the hint, but later, had to attempt one more try at engaging Evie.

I may be making more out of this than what was intended, but it still left me with a shivery feeling.  It's possible there was mental illness involved, or just an enthusiasm that crossed borders.

So what are the "acceptable" approaches to someone who has a cute baby?  What is "too enthusiastic"?  When we were in process for Evie (4 long years of it), I was always drawn to the mixed race family, wanting to talk to the parents, to tell them that I too was going to be the mom of a baby from China and hear their experiences.  But I also realized that having perfect strangers approach with questions about your children could be a little disconcerting, especially in a public place.  And I had read countless stories on adoption chat groups, of supposedly well-meant comments that just came off as crass.  So I'd maybe smile, and if they smiled back, and we were in a queue or somewhere that conversation was inevitable, I might start the dialogue. 

Due to my own reticence I don't think this happened very often, and I preferred to save my queries for occasions when it was guaranteed to be acceptable, usually on outings of adoptive families.  There, I found parents were extremely happy to share, because merely by your presence at these events, you were already advertising that you were going to be part of the "club".

For those not in the "club", I wish I had a manual on how to approach the parents of the cute Asian and African babies.  I don't.  I can only say that anything you say, you do so pretending that the child understands all of it, no matter how young they are.  Therefore, you don't ask the personal questions about her finding or adoption costs or birth parents etc. and probably first and foremost, you don't automatically assume that the baby IS adopted!  After all, there are a lot of multiracial families formed through birth as well. Most people do want to talk about their babies, and are open to nice conversation, just no staring or hungry looks please!

So smile, Walmart shoppers, say she's cute if you like, and move your cart along.  That is, unless you have polite questions, which I am always happy to answer.  Now where the heck is that hummus.....