Evie in Morning Slumber

 I have opportunity most mornings for about ½ an hour to myself, between Skyler leaving for school and Sean’s waking up. Evie usually sleeps until at least then, but a lot of mornings she reaches out for me in her half-awake state during this half hour. Of course I’m not there, and then she wails. Usually I have the monitor on, and can hear her, interrupt whatever book or newspaper reading or leg shaving activity I’m involved in, and go to her. Some mornings, nasty mother that I am, I’ve forgotten to turn on the monitor and find her a sobbing mess when I realize I have left the invisible cord between us (broken) and go to check on her.

Today I had the time to snuggle in with her after hearing her first waking. She stops crying immediately as I get into bed, and tucks her little feet up against my legs, and drifts back into slumber, sucking on her taggy blanket, or Boof, as she calls it. I watch her go into REM sleep, eyes flicking back and forth, mouth twitching into grins, hands making slight movements, and it is a wonder. I love looking at her in sleep, her face relaxed, smooth and beautiful, I drink in the sight of this amazing little girl who has enriched our lives.

I wonder what features she carries from her birth mother, birth father, and other blood relatives. I realize that her birth parents must be a fair bit younger than me, that her Chinese grandparents would probably be the age of her Canadian and forever Daddy. Thoughts drift to them quite often, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get any answers to these internal questions, nor if Evie will ever be interested in knowing either. Right now it doesn’t matter; what does is that my girl is safe and warm and protected and oh so loved, and that she feels secure in that.

But part of being an adoptive parent to a child of unknown parentage is the detective work, if one chooses to do it. I am trying to piece together as much as I can for her, should she ever ask for it. And I am trying to do it while the info is still relatively fresh, the fear being that the Social Welfare Institute might move or destroy records.

Last summer, I had some research done by a Chinese lady who does this as a business, and recently I hired another researcher (along with a group of adoptive parents) to do further inquiry. Granted, there isn’t much there to work with, but even pictures of Evie’s finding spot, and perhaps a discussion with her finding person, would be of interest. I stress that any info that is found is there for Evie if she wants it and is not necessarily something I would push on her. Nonetheless I feel driven to find out what I can.
Such is the life of the adoptive parent of a baby girl from China.

But oh my, in the meantime, she slumbers peacefully...