The Reluctant Dads

     I will admit, when the idea of adopting first made it’s way out of my head and into my conversations with Bob, he was less than enthusiastic about it.  We  had been through some really difficult years with Sean, and he, unlike me, was not relishing the thought of having another child.

     But we went ahead with the paperwork anyways, and he left his mind open to it.  There still wasn’t a lot of enthusiasm, but I took what I could get, and just didn’t mention it too often.  Not surprisingly, there were a number of posts on the various adoption websites, about The Reluctant Dads.  Dads in general seem to have a harder time with this; they know that their lives are going to be forever changed when a new family member comes, whether it is their first child, or their last.  Financial concerns are one reason, personal concerns about couple time, impact on the other siblings, and so on.

     And we had a number of friends who quietly said to me “What about Bob?”, whenever I’d wax enthusiastically about our future baby daughter in China. 

     We actually hit a point during the wait, where his fears became so strong that I did relent, and though it would have broken my heart, agreed to pull out of the process.  Maybe he just needed to see that I would do that for him, but he said, no we’ll go ahead, and after that, tried to get more involved in it. 

     Fast forward to that amazing day in Nanchang when we met our baby girl.  “Can I hold her?” from the guy who wasn’t sure he would want to be a Dad again. 

     And today.  He comes home from work, and his new biggest fan runs into his arms.  “Daddy!!!”  He scoops her up, and gives her kisses and tickles, all of his fears buried or forgotten as he revels, absolutely revels, in having his baby daughter here. 

     There is a special bond that can occur between parents of the opposite sex.  I have experienced this with my boys….it’s kind of hard to put words to exactly, for I love all of my children regardless of their gender, and I do enjoy so many girly things that Evie does with me, but I do remember when the boys were little, that it was as though they were my little princes.  We’d snuggle and there was just that something special.  They loved their Mummy in a different way than their Daddy.  And Evie is definitely Bob’s little princess too, loving him in a slightly different way than me.  No better or worse, just a little different.  I suppose psychologists have all sorts of theories around this, but I think it’s quite healthy and normal, and certainly dissipates by the time they’re, oh Skyler’s age or so!!

     So in our case, the reluctant Dad came around, actually admitted that I maybe knew him better than he knew himself, at least in this regard.  I knew he would enjoy having a little girl to love, and I knew he would be a great Dad to her.

     So dear friends, What About Bob?  I can inform you that All is Well.

Evie HAD to sit next to Daddy on this morning to have cereal too.  I love how even their sweatshirts match!