When Teens Come Over to Play

     Skyler has friends here every week. They come after school, sometimes hang around for supper, come on the weekends for overnights, and most certainly during holidays. He’s a very social guy, and we love having the energy of the young people here. Bob and I are also of the mind that "if they’re here, we know what they’re doing", but that doesn’t always play out, as we found out recently.

     Mostly, when they’re here, they hang out in the living room, playing Xbox games (one friend even brought his own computer so that they could play an on-line game simulaneously, see above pic) or watching TV, eating, or in the boy’s room, hanging out on the beds chatting. Some of these chat sessions turn into big sleepfests, where I find a roomful of teens splayed about the beds, out cold in peaceful slumber.  Crashing with friends is nice, I remember that from college days.

     Awhile back, one of Sky’s former girlfriends, and still a friend, came along for the fun, and was here quite a bit, especially over March break. She had recently lost her father and the boys were trying to keep her spirits up. The dynamic was interesting. Now the patterns of teens on the couch took more artistic forms, with one’s head or feet in another’s lap. Wrestling sessions were common, but I used to have wrestling sessions with brothers, and if their teenage hormones were prodding them into having to grope each other, (no, I wasn’t trying to grope my brothers, nor they me, it was all defense, believe me) well, this was the form it was taking.

     One day Skyler asked if I had any hand cream, because they were going to do foot massages. Again, could be innocent fun, could be something else. I came to watch, they were all having fun. The girl-friend was by now dating one of the boys, but he wasn’t around for the foot rub session. I could see interest between another pairing though, and discussed it a bit with Bob.

     How much freedom do you give these kids? Even though they’re in your house, and you can theoretically keep an eye on them, I guess you have to set some boundaries, without scaring them away. It's a fine line to walk.  Previously I had mentioned to the group, partly serious, partly in jest, "no hanky-panky". I also had the problem one day of a parent not knowing that their child was here, and I let that child, and Skyler, know that this is not an option. If someone is over, their parents need to know where they are. "You make me look bad", is how I put it to her.

     There is an element of trust between my boy and I, but it doesn’t extend to his friends, and I count on him somewhat to keep them in order. It’s a learning process for all of us. When, during one of the crashing sessions, Skyler caught two of his pals who weren’t dating, kissing, he playfully jumped between them, but the damage was done. The boyfriend found out, and was upset with his friends, who had tried to keep it quiet. I knew that the interest was brewing, but wasn’t watching them every minute...I can’t, with a toddler and other duties.

     Nonetheless, Skyler and I had a talk, and I said, it may be wise to have no more sleep sessions, especially if a girl is over. He got that message too. Like I said, it is a learning process for all of us. Thankfully he and his friend have made up and all is well there, although the relationship with the girlfriend is now history. I feel badly for all of them, because she did need the comfort of friends, but hormones are a powerful thing!