When Teens Come Over to Play

     Skyler has friends here every week. They come after school, sometimes hang around for supper, come on the weekends for overnights, and most certainly during holidays. He’s a very social guy, and we love having the energy of the young people here. Bob and I are also of the mind that "if they’re here, we know what they’re doing", but that doesn’t always play out, as we found out recently.

     Mostly, when they’re here, they hang out in the living room, playing Xbox games (one friend even brought his own computer so that they could play an on-line game simulaneously, see above pic) or watching TV, eating, or in the boy’s room, hanging out on the beds chatting. Some of these chat sessions turn into big sleepfests, where I find a roomful of teens splayed about the beds, out cold in peaceful slumber.  Crashing with friends is nice, I remember that from college days.

     Awhile back, one of Sky’s former girlfriends, and still a friend, came along for the fun, and was here quite a bit, especially over March break. She had recently lost her father and the boys were trying to keep her spirits up. The dynamic was interesting. Now the patterns of teens on the couch took more artistic forms, with one’s head or feet in another’s lap. Wrestling sessions were common, but I used to have wrestling sessions with brothers, and if their teenage hormones were prodding them into having to grope each other, (no, I wasn’t trying to grope my brothers, nor they me, it was all defense, believe me) well, this was the form it was taking.

     One day Skyler asked if I had any hand cream, because they were going to do foot massages. Again, could be innocent fun, could be something else. I came to watch, they were all having fun. The girl-friend was by now dating one of the boys, but he wasn’t around for the foot rub session. I could see interest between another pairing though, and discussed it a bit with Bob.

     How much freedom do you give these kids? Even though they’re in your house, and you can theoretically keep an eye on them, I guess you have to set some boundaries, without scaring them away. It's a fine line to walk.  Previously I had mentioned to the group, partly serious, partly in jest, "no hanky-panky". I also had the problem one day of a parent not knowing that their child was here, and I let that child, and Skyler, know that this is not an option. If someone is over, their parents need to know where they are. "You make me look bad", is how I put it to her.

     There is an element of trust between my boy and I, but it doesn’t extend to his friends, and I count on him somewhat to keep them in order. It’s a learning process for all of us. When, during one of the crashing sessions, Skyler caught two of his pals who weren’t dating, kissing, he playfully jumped between them, but the damage was done. The boyfriend found out, and was upset with his friends, who had tried to keep it quiet. I knew that the interest was brewing, but wasn’t watching them every minute...I can’t, with a toddler and other duties.

     Nonetheless, Skyler and I had a talk, and I said, it may be wise to have no more sleep sessions, especially if a girl is over. He got that message too. Like I said, it is a learning process for all of us. Thankfully he and his friend have made up and all is well there, although the relationship with the girlfriend is now history. I feel badly for all of them, because she did need the comfort of friends, but hormones are a powerful thing!

Living with a Teenager, or Can I Stand This for 4 More Years?

 Often, this thought goes through my head....can I handle this teenage phase until he flies away from the nest? Most days, yes. Some days, no.

It’s not the obsession with the hair, or bankruptcy due to his clothing costs, or the accompanying struggle and fatigue that goes with a shopping experience. ("Why do you HAVE to ask salespeople for help Mom"). I think it’s more the drama, and getting pulled into the negative situations, finding myself arguing against Teenage Brain (and the dead or sleeping brain cells that go with it) and wanting to do good, but getting yelled at for trying.

Take yesterday for instance. Skyler has had 2 weeks off school. I am in the habit of asking whether he has any homework at the beginning of a break, knowing how he loves to procrastinate until the last minute to do a project, or study for a test.

In the past he literally has pulled out work the MORNING of a due date, scrambling to get it done before heading off to school. Mostly he does give himself a relaxing 12 hours to get the work done, remembering the night before that this or that project is due tomorrow. Thank the gods for texting and facebook then, because this is how he will get the project information from his peers with a few more firing circuits in their brains.

For some reason Sky’s current load of brain cells will not always let him remember where he has put the outlines for the assignments, and this is what happened yesterday.

Even though he had two weeks, count them, two, equalling 336 hours, in which to sift through the ever-increasing cache of paper in his backpack, find the assignment parameters, and start it, no he had to conveniently forget that this was due until the night before. Yes, I had asked, two weeks prior, and he said no, no homework. Yesterday, his excuse was "well you have to ask me twice, Mom." No, I don’t. And after the debacle of last night’s effort to get something done for today, I wrote out a list of rules. Here, for anyone’s future reference with teenagers, they are:

1. You do not leave assignments until the last minute and expect help! (And expect to pass)
2. You do not lie to your parents about due assignments.
3. You do not expect help after insulting said parents. (Don’t bite hand that feeds you)
4. You bring home the written outline of the assignment the day that it is handed out.

I could go on. (I probably will, the next time this happens.) The use of an agenda would be helpful for him. I’ve tried to teach time management techniques, because 50% of successfully getting through high school and post secondary education depends on it. I’ve tried hanging back and letting him sink or swim on his own. He doesn’t mind if I hang back....until that 12 hour period before the due date and he is panicking and dramatic.

But I have to credit Skyler with sticking with the project, even after I left him alone (and he threatened to just leave it alone and fail), and with regaining his good humour before the end of the evening. This boy does have that ability...he is so dramatic when things are falling apart around him, but it doesn’t take him long to regain balance and he is happy and smiling and cheery. (Me, I’m still brooding about the whole thing, but you can hardly tell from these mutterings, can you)

And of course today, on the due date, after all that fuss......it ended up that the teacher was away and a substitute knew nothing about it. So Mr. Procrastinator has an extra 24 hours to work away.

But I can’t sit here and blather away on my blog....teenager assignment to type up!

Some mothers never learn....

Sky worrying about schoolwork over the holiday along with Justin Bieber-look-a-like pal.